| What am I doing? I'd driven by the place a thousand times. But I'd never gone inside. I didn't even know these people. Yes, I had met the guy. And I used to go to school with a friend of his. This was the last place anyone would expect me to be. Even my friends would imagine me in my room writing depressing poetry before thinking that I was at church. This is insane, I thought. Not only was this the last place anyone thought I would be; it was the last place I should be. I'm the girl who overeats and blasts sad music whenever life doesn't go her way. I don't belong with these Jesus-loves-me-this-I-know kids. I can't belong with them. I can't let myself belong with them. I can't let myself be happy. This isn't a time to be happy. Some guy I didn't really know destroyed me. I had let myself be destroyed. This wasn't a time to trust anyone. Not the guy I had met a few times who seemed like a trustworthy guy who had invited me to church. Certainly not this "God", this all-controlling entity that was making my life a living hell. Why would I sit in church listening to how I had done wrong in His sight and I was going to go to hell? Yes, I'm going to hell. I'll take a one-way ticket, please. Thank you very much. But I found myself trusting. This is going to be okay. Maybe I'll even like it. A comforting hand found its way to my shoulder. "Nervous?" Sarah's voice asked. I nodded just slightly. Maybe just a little bit. I mean, I've never been to church before. You've been around this all your life. You don't know what's going on in my head right now. "It's ok. I'm here. You're going to love it. I'm so glad you're coming." She gave me a squeeze as I grabbed my clothes from the couch and went to the bathroom to get dressed. As I stepped out of my pajama bottoms and pulled on my jeans, I looked closely at my reflection. I took myself in closely, trying to imagine how they would see me. A red blotch formed by my collarbone, and zits began to pop into view. I washed my face vigorously, but all the Noxzema deep cleansers, St. Ives apricot scrubs, and Clean & Clear astringents in the world didn't seem to want to help me out. I brushed my teeth until my gums bled, arranged my hair a thousand different ways, every one of which seemed to disagree with me, until I finally threw it back in the same haphazard ponytail I wore every day. I took one last, long look in the mirror. Here goes, I thought, gathering my pajamas and toiletries, stepping back from the sink, and turning around to open the door. When I reached the top of the stairs, Sarah's door was wide open. She emerged from the closet holding a gift-wrapped package that she had used for an English project last year. "Here. It might be hard to use… the first time and all… but at least you'll have it for reference." It was a Bible, the pages crowded with small print and streaked with yellow highlighter. "Do you have one at home?" I thought for a moment, and remembered the pocket-sized Bible from my great-grandfather. I gave a nod. "Cool. You can use this one today, though. If you want." I smiled and accepted. She handed me a bottle of perfume and I gave my neck a minimal squirt. She smiled enthusiastically. "It's going to be fine. Come on, we don't want to be late." The five-minute drive between her house on State Road and the church was the longest five minutes of my life. I sat staring out the window. God… if you're there… please give me some kind of sign. I need your help. No one was in the parking lot when we arrived. "Well, we certainly weren't late." I tried to make a joke of it to hide how nervous I was. Sarah smiled. "Let's take a walk," she offered. We started past the parking lot and around the block, making the circle once or twice. "Sarah… I don't know." I was overwhelmed with nerves. I had never been to a church service. I hadn't even set foot in a church since the day my aunt and uncle got married, nine years ago. "What if they don't like me?" "Stop worrying about it. They're going to love you. You know a few people who are going to be there. I've never been here either. We can stick together. It's going to be great." The conversation went on as we continued around the block. She understood exactly how I was feeling. I told her about how nervous I was, how I had never been to church, how I had been so depressed and I hoped that this would help me. I had missed talking to her like this. We had been incredibly close friends from her first day at the high school. Things had been on and off, but I felt so connected to her, and so glad that I was doing this. After making the trip around the block two times or so, we noticed a few cars in the parking lot. "I guess we can go in now," she said. She laid her hand on my shoulder again. "It's going to be fine." We turned toward the building and began the climb to the third floor, where he had told us the Sunday school class would be held. The flights of stairs were hidden in alcoves and in other rooms off the main hallway, taking us nearly ten minutes to find our way up. Finally, after discovering the stairway to the third floor, we wound up in a room full of sofas and armchairs, with a large whiteboard located on the opposite wall. "Let's take this one." She motioned toward a wooden-backed couch designed for two or possibly three people. She set her purse and her Bible on her lap. "I'm so excited! I haven't been to a church since I moved here." "Really? There are plenty of churches around here. I'm sure you could have found a good one by now." I was honestly shocked. There were at least five churches just in the downtown area. She hadn't at least gone to one service? Of course, who was I to talk? I hadn't been to church, ever. "Really." She looked around eagerly. "Maybe this is the one." Just then, a girl I recognized from years past came up the stairs. Crystal had been in my Advanced French 1 class, but had left halfway through the school year, rumors spreading that she was going to be home schooled. I hadn't seen her since. "Crystal, is that you?" I asked. She looked me over quickly and smiled. "Kylie! It's so good to see you!" She took a seat on the couch next to us. "How have you been?" The conversation went on, two girls who haven't seen each other in three years catching up on all the new occurrences in their lives. More people came out from the stairwell. I was surprised to recognize more of them than I had thought I would. The pastor was one of the last ones to arrive. He looked toward me and Sarah and smiled. "You must be David's guests. I'm the pastor. Welcome." He held out his hand, and I gently shook it. "It's nice to meet you," I stammered. The rest of the group introduced themselves, and I felt at home right away. "Tony, would you open in prayer?" Pastor asked. I bowed my head. "Dear Lord," Tony spoke, "we thank You for this day. We ask that You would have Your hand on our class, that we would all have open hearts to what Pastor has to say and that we would learn from it. In Jesus' name, amen." "Thank you, Tony. Please open your Bibles to Matthew, chapter seven." I kept my head bowed for another moment. "Thank you, God," I whispered. "Maybe you're really here after all." | 
